They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize