Having a random hookup so left but love u
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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