Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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