If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
