It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize