well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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