Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
The Olympian is in my bed
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
