even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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