I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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