Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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