It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
