What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You were trust falling into bushes
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
