So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
