whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
