allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
