there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
PS: I just woke up from my shower
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
