If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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