halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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