Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
