im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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