I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
