When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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