I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
We need to get me chipped asap
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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