Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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