apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
