bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize