Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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