so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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