You're so nebulous sometimes
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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