You smell like stripper and shame
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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