So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
