hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
