girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Watching her eat just hurts me
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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