I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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