OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
