He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
