he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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