I'm going to jail i love you
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
