my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
