THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
