Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
