she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
