WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
