if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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