I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Randomize
