When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
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