Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
