Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
