i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
