please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
