Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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