I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
