I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
