thus making me awesome and them whores
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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