ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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