everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
We're too hungover to prance.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
