I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
