Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
