my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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