If i could tip my vagina, i would.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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