mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
