how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
