Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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